Self Healing & Interconnection
The Challenge:
Over the course of Spring - Summer, 2019, I was in a phase of my life where everything felt like it was completely falling apart and coming together, at the same time.
This period started with considering a life decision that felt like a bit like Sophie’s choice. My practical thoughts around this decision were quickly followed by feeling “out of touch” with myself. Soon enough, this slipped into a hard knowing: How I was showing up for myself was not in alignment with who I actually am, and the knowing, power, and beauty I hold within me. Getting to a place where I have access to my truth, and can create boundaries around this sacred truth, has been a process of peeling back layers. That’s what this blog is about.
I’m going to pause here and say that what I’ve learned since, is that my “practical thoughts” were riddled with conditioning, patterns, and opinions of others that I’ve taken as my own.
Frankly, there’s no need to get into the complex details of everything happening in my life that led to this. We all face challenging situations where there are many sides to the truth, all are valid, and it’s a matter of coming to and standing for our own truths. In the best cases, these moments in our lives encourage us to go within–to be curious, heal, grow, and act from a place of deep knowing.
The “Work”
For me, at the beginning of this journey, besides having some obvious signals of what was “wrong” that I could work around, I was completely at a loss as to what I was feeling in my body and what my instinct was saying. Making “the best” decisions and communicating from a place of strength and truth were even further outside my grasp.
I was hitting a brick wall and knew I would spiral if I didn’t expand my knowing of myself. At that point, I traveled from California to Montana (it’s incredible what ‘place’ can mean to you) with the goals to use my circumstances to see, honor, and prioritize myself.
This was new for me. I’ve never approached healing in a structured way. I’ve seen a quantum energy healer in San Francisco since I was 18 (15 years!), a gift that’s supported who I’ve become, but this was never an intentional journey of exploration growth.
I started to invest in consistent, structured work. This meant a steady stream of integral coaching (therapy), journaling, meditations, breathwork, botanical work, etc.
Being dedicated to and curious about our healing and growth is a messy, revealing, beautiful process. The journey has been and continues to be a crash course in compassion, taking responsibility without blame, and learning tools to feel whole.
Throughout all of this I’ve explored archetypes, dreamwork, and have connected with my own guides; and, I’ve studied dynamic models of social interaction and conflict. Traditional and spiritual therapy are powerful when they’re paired together.
Access to healing:
I’m fully aware of the power of this work, and of my privilege to afford the investment of time and money that goes into it.
During this time of growth, while visiting prison with The Anti-Recividism Coalition, the men inside would open up about their journeys inward. Doing this work myself allowed us to meet each other in profound, heart opening conversations, despite our circumstances.
We all have our inner children, traumas, patterns, ego, hopes, purpose, etc, that influence how we show up. And when we look at each other from a place of vulnerability, love, humility, and curiosity–our similarities far outweigh our differences, no matter our stories.⠀
I am forever in awe of ARC for facilitating this healing work inside prisons, and especially men like Sam Lewis and Shaka Senghor who are living embodiment of healing, redemption, and hope.
While ARC’s Hope and Redemption Team is able to reach these men we met at Lancaster, and many more boys, girls, men and women around California, there is a huge gap for who has access to these services and modalities and who do not.
There is a concept in indigenous culture called “Seven Generations” which holds that decisions you make today influence children seven generations into the future.
When we heal our mental, emotional, and spiritual traumas, we affect all of our family members and change the patterns that transcend us. When we lift ourselves up, we lift up those around us–from our partners, to our communities.
As you’re considering your own healing and growth, please consider the people (and families and communities) who need these services the most. These organizations are providing this service at scale:
The Anti-Recidivism Coalition (mentioned above and here)
The Loveland Foundation is committed to showing up for communities of color in unique and powerful ways, with a particular focus on Black women and girls. With the barriers affecting access to treatment by members of diverse ethnic and racial groups. Loveland Therapy Fund provides financial assistance to Black women and girls nationally seeking therapy.
Their resources and initiatives are collaborative and prioritize opportunity, access, validation, and healing. Through partnerships with Therapy for Black Girls, National Queer & Trans Therapists of Color Network, Talkspace and Open Path Collective, Loveland Therapy Fund recipients will have access to a comprehensive list of mental health professionals across the country providing high quality, culturally competent services to Black women and girls.
There are many ways to give, including starting a giving circle. If you group together with 5 friends, donating $20 each will provide one therapy session. $100 each will provide 5 therapy sessions.
These are the resources that I use as support:
(important note, I’m a “Master of None” here. Everyone’s journey is certainly their own, and there are many definitions to the services below. These descriptions are simply the way that I interpret them)
Integral Coaching: (the type of therapy that has worked for me): As my therapist and wisdom keeper, Queen Stacey Tompkins, states on her website: “Coaching is different from Psychotherapy or Counseling. It’s more interactive, and involves homework and lots of inquiry, contemplation and straight-talk, wrapped in deep kindness. Private coaching sessions start with an intake, then move to a coaching conversation, and then dive into the personalized ongoing coaching program. The coaching program is co-created by both of us. We make agreed upon development adjustments along the way, inspired by our work together. The goal of coaching is to grow underdeveloped skills and competencies so you can begin to navigate your life from an integrated place of wholeness.”
Energy healing: The types of energy healing truly range, but the ones I’ve invested the most time in have been:
Holotropic Breathwork: Holotropic breathwork was developed at Esalin by the Grofs after LSD became illegal in the late 1960s. The practice of holotropic breathwork involves using the breathing process to access altered states of consciousness. The primary principle of this technique is that healing and a better understanding of ones-self comes from within the person practicing the breathwork. Stacy Tompkins of Sungate Integral Coaching offers breathwork in Montana and the PNW, Bree Melanson provides online courses (which are incredible!) and Jesse of Visionary Breathwork in Montana.
Quantum Healing: This one is a little hard to grasp and explain. To the best of my ability, during Quantum Healing we align the personal conscious mind with the universal divine (or however you phrase this greater knowing), and enroll the subconscious mind in participating. The result is accessing a non-dual perspective of reality, experiencing life in the present as a web of interconnected pathways of light and energy. It helps us come back to who we really are and lifts us to higher levels of consciousness and love. My Quantum Healer is Kerstin Marie Wheele at WeLuvUs Apothecary in Sausalito, CA.
Reiki: Reiki emerged in Japan in the late 1800’s and involves the transfer of universal energy from the practitioner’s palms to their patient. Energy can stagnate in the body, from physical or emotional pain, and these energy blocks can cause discomfort and illness. Reiki helps the flow of energy and removes blocks, in a similar way to acupuncture. The improvement of this flow of energy enables relaxation, reduction in pain, and feelings of being centered, clear, and lighter. Reiki healers can be found everywhere (honestly, the right one jumps out at you when you start to seek out this work). Mine are Kerstin Marie (above), Ally at Wild Betty Botanicals, and Lauren at Blue Lotus Bozeman.
Botanical Healing: As Becki at Architect by Nature says, “Flowers are the most evolved part of the plant kingdom and present humanity with an opportunity for peace, connection and purpose.” Each flower holds its own wisdom, energy, and physical properties. When it is distilled into a ‘flower essence’, that means the energetic vibration of the plant in its purest forms. When it is used in teas and tinctures, it harnesses both the physical and energetic qualities. There are also aromatics, but I haven’t explored much there. There are a small number of people who truly capture the power of botanicals, and are able to support others in their transformation through the botanical properties, and their own intuition and creativity. The two I see most frequently are Becki at Architect by Nature, and Ally Ledbeater of Wild Betty Botanicals. Ally works with all types of plants, trees, roots, and other natural elements to create incredible balms, teas, and tinctures. As a clairvoyant, she couples this with energetic work.
*I’m specific not to say “Plant Medicine” as that’s it’s own area of healing.
Kinesiology and chiropractic: We all store our stories in our bodies. Everything is connected. For example, I store a lot of my insecurity (especially around womanhood and family) in my lower sacral. As a result, it’s weak, and I then overcompensate with other areas of my body. This end, what’s been the most valuable for me in the physical realm has been kinesiology. Kinesiology addresses structural, chemical, and mental aspects of health using manual muscle testing combined with other standard methods of diagnosis. Through kinesiology, your system is supported simultaneously through nutrition, your emotional states (past and current) and structurally. My Kinesiologist is Nikko Vallejo at WeLuvUs Apothecary in Sausalito, CA.
Rising Woman’s Heal Your Relationship course: This is an 8-week journey into the heart of our relationship patterns. It entails videos and exercises provided by the Rising Woman founders, and is supported by a Facebook community. During this course you dive into self-awareness and shadow work, decode your relationship patterns and the roots of those patterns, identify your boundaries and how to hold them, explore the roots of patterns (abondonment wounds, breakups, inner child wounds), and integrate what you learn so that you can remove the blocks that sabotage your ability to be in healthy relationships while still showing up whole and being true to your needs.
Benshen Course: A four-week virtual course teaching you how to create a Blueprint for Radiance, Prosperity, and Power. It is designed to help you tap you into your desires in the most prominent realms of your life — career, money, love, vitality, sensuality — with utmost structure. Desirée Pais runs monthly “Art of the Radiant Woman” courses, and offers master classes.
Book: Belonging, Remembering Your Way Home by Toko Pa Turner
Coming this Summer: Circles and Sessions that Give Back
This summer, I'm planning a series of small circles and events at the Studio (and hopefully the Bay Area) devoted to modalities that support introspection and self-care. A percentage of profits will go to organizations, like ARC and the The Loveland Foundation, that provide these opportunities to those in great need who would otherwise be without. I’m putting more about the latter below, as it’s easy to contribute to their work.
If you'd like to be involved somehow, feel free to email (rr@theweavers.studio) or DM me. Otherwise, excited to share a schedule as it evolves.